What are Boundaries and Why do They Matter?
When practicing healthy care for our mental health, boundaries should be included. Boundaries are important to implement for our self care. What this means is, it is important to have a line that you feel no one can cross which marks a limit of how much you will accept or tolerate. Boundaries can be limits or even rules that you can come up with to help you identify what is safe for you and what is permissible for the way others act or behave towards you. It also gives you the safety of responding when your boundary is crossed.
Without Setting Healthy Boundaries…
Without boundaries or responding to the boundaries you have placed will leave one feeling taken for granted or taken advantage of. This can lead to many negative feelings about oneself and even leave a person feeling drained. Poor boundaries can lead to anger, resentment and even burnout.
What it means to have healthy boundaries in place…
Placing boundaries in our lives allows us to say no to things that we feel we cannot take on. It allows you to draw a line of what is acceptable and what is not. Everyone has different comfort levels, therefore, what may be comfortable for you may not be the same for someone else. Therefore, learning what others boundaries are and where their line lies is important to building a healthy relationship. There are many different ways one can characterize healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Here are a few to think about.
Signs of Healthy boundaries:
- Sharing personal information gradually
- Having high self-respect as well as self-esteem
- Allowing yourself to make healthy choices
- Understanding how your boundaries can be different from others
- Assertiveness – being able to say “yes” and “no” confidently
- Equal partnership
- Being honest and transparent
Signs of Unhealthy boundaries:
- Difficulty saying “no” and saying “yes” to please others
- Giving in to others to avoid conflict and allowing your needs to go unmet
- Sharing too much too soon
- Closing yourself off
- Feeling responsible for others happiness
- Allowing others to make decisions for you or feeling powerless in taking responsibility
These are just a few that are signs of unhealthy and healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries can be difficult for many to put in place due to their fears of what could occur and how it may impact others. However, having a set of healthy boundaries in place has many benefits and can take time getting used to but once you are used to it, it’ll allow you to feel much more confident and free.
Here is a great worksheet on different kinds of boundaries.
