The concept of radical acceptance is an important component of dialectal behavioral therapy. It is an imperative distress tolerance skill, a tool introduced in dialectal behavioral therapy for preventing the challenges and pain of life into a chronic stress or suffering.
Radical acceptance is defined as an absolute and complete acceptance of reality and how things are rather than trying on focusing on how you expected or thought them to be. It allows you to acknowledge what is, in a absolute sense mentally, physically and emotionally instead of questioning or overthinking it. Consequently it helps in reducing the stress, anxiety and pain which our thoughts makes us suffer. It is a simple understanding of the fact that not every event, happening and thing can be controlled and there will always be certain things that you are unable to control. It is a tool that emphasizes on how you react to a situation instead of the situation itself.
It gives you a space to allow yourself to feel your pain and emotions associated with an event or happening and reflecting on how you respond to it. It helps break the negative pattern of thoughts such as rumination and instead of consistent overthinking on a situation that is out of your hands, it helps in processing the emotions and move towards resolution.
Radical acceptance can be applied to small scale everyday to day events for instance challenges at a work place to larger scale uncontrollable happenings such as death or loss of a loved one or a job. It is quite natural to experience an emotional reaction towards such triggers however if we repress them, try to avoid them or obsess over them it becomes problematic instead try to practice radical acceptance which is being compassionate towards yourself, allowing yourself to feel the pain, and provide yourself support with kindness.
Steps to practice radical acceptance:
The first step is to identify the irrational belief you are holding regarding the situation for instance it can be “Why is this happening to me”
Second step is to recognize the fact that it has happened and there is nothing you can do to change it.
Third step is to let yourself process the feelings associated with it, identify the emotion you are feeling are you feeling helpless, sad, resentful etc.
Fourth step is to take deep breathes and give yourself the reality check, question your feelings and thoughts such as why am I feeling this way? What has led me to think this?Is my thought logical? What belief is triggering this response?
Fifth step is to write down the actions and behaviors that will be an appropriate response towards the situation after you have accepted it.
Lastly, every day try to accomplish and behave in one such way and gradually you will be able to emotionally and physically accept the situation.
Use of Visualization and coping statements is often associated with radical acceptance as they aid in the process. Practice mindfulness and visualize your life with the new terms and conditions as it is rather than how you would like it to be and make it a point to find one positive change regardless of how minute it is or silver lining to the current change and emphasize on that in your visualizations. If the emotions or situations gets overwhelming or you feel you are unable to cope, practice safe space visualization to make yourself feel calm as you put in efforts to realistically address your thoughts. Be conscious of your physical body sensations, breathe deeply and release stress.
Combining the use of coping statements is helpful. Following are a few coping statements to help with radical acceptance:
- I am unable to do anything or change the past events.
- If I don’t process my negative emotions I will keep ruminating.
- All that I can control is present.
- I can consciously change my thoughts about the situation.
- My reaction is the only thing I can control.
- Things are not exactly how I wanted however I can still be happy and content.
- One event or situation doesn’t define my entire life.
- I can feel overwhelmed but still learn to cope with the situation.
- Acceptance helps me move on with my life.
- I can feel my emotions without losing control.
- Acceptance of what is keeps me grounded in reality.
It is important to remember acceptance can be an overwhelming process and does not come easy to all of us. However, with the use of self-compassion and other techniques discussed above it will be an easier transition towards a new and different life. Radical Acceptance is a process and can come in the form of waves, it lets you be gentle and kind with yourself and walk into your new life with a more positive and optimistic mindset.
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