Setting boundaries is an essential and creative process which is required for a healthy balance in life whether it be your personal, social or occupational life, it is important for you to have healthy boundaries to live a fulfilling and wholesome life.
When you ought to set out the boundaries the basic thing you need to do is figure out your reasons and WHY you would like to set boundaries. Reasons can include to have a better mental and emotional health, to avoid getting burnt out, to have an influential personality, or even to accept maturity etc.
Start with subtle and a few changes you want to make. Prioritize your boundaries, one each in personal, social and occupational aspects of life and apply it gradually and slowly. Your boundary is a subtle but firm way of you saying I will be treated a certain way. It doesn’t have to bring anxiety or conflict in your life, it should be applied with an understanding that you have to take baby steps to reach until the end. Each boundary is a victory in itself.
Be assertive, not aggressive. Take your time to let the other people comprehend your needs and demands and how you imagine things should be working. Be assertive and firm with your thoughts. Aggression will bring no results, it will only lead to a conflict, or falling out of the relationship itself, however, being an assertive communicator will help you to get what you want without causing issues or disturbing the relationship.
Timing matters! When getting into new work, social or personal relationships, try to build your boundaries at initial stages, this is the time where people are reading and learning on how they can treat you, therefore, the earlier you set your boundaries the better it will be for you, when you set your boundaries it teaches people how they can and can not treat you so do yourself a favor and take charge at the earliest to develop a healthy dynamic of the relationship as it is harder to break a existing cycle but easier to set the course at early stages.
Stay Persistent
Consistency will get you results! Stay persistent with your boundaries. If you want others to respect your boundaries you have to apply them consistently no matter how much resistance is in your way. Being flexible with boundaries will not get you results. Constantly holding onto your limits and embracing them with everything you have is a significant step towards boundary setting.
Set Consequences
If someone is not giving you the respect, time etc you need or not fulfilling your needs even with the communication, there is a need for some consequences for that person to understand your worth and needs. Explain your hard and soft boundaries and the consequences of what might happen if they will be crossed. Without any accountability people easily exploit and manipulate your emotions and boundaries.
Level Up Your Communication
Learn how to communicate effectively in a more assertive way. Be clear, and very specific when it comes to communicating your boundaries. It is easy to disregard something generic. Make and communicate specific and particular details of what your boundary is, how you would like to be addressed to or treated with concise and brief discussion. Do not try explaining yourself generally, just let your specific boundary be known as clearly as possible.
Learn to Say NO
Last but not least, it is a basic and yet so important point. Most people cannot say no, they might think they are being rude or they will get into trouble or it makes them a bad person etc. However, it is important to get to the root cause of this and work on whatever belief you are holding about saying no. To set boundaries you have to learn how to say no without feeling uncomfortable with it. Work out the thought process, unlearn and relearn that saying no is not a bad thing if it is keeping your mental and emotional health intact and brings peace into your life.
Do Not be Scared
Do not be scared to lose people, I know, I know, easier said than done. If you feel there is a barrier in setting boundaries with fear of loneliness, seek therapy and gather support. Be scared of losing your time, life and yourself without healthy boundaries. Set internal boundaries and manage to set goals and follow through as long as they are not achieved.
It is to be noted that boundaries can be emotional, physical, mental, time specific, internal and conversational and are required in work, social and personal life to have a balance between it all. It is the process of personal growth and learning as it requires a lot of self-awareness and a constant relationship with oneself. It helps you stay in tune with your inner self and its needs, making you the best possible choice for setting your own course in your own creative ways.
